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Thursday, October 26, 2006

so sorry

I know its been a while that I posted and I haven't been able to keep up with all my blog reading. Be assured I did glance at some and things will be better starting next weekend. This Sunday is my last day at Busch Gardens for the season so that means I will have a day off again. I am very much looking forward to that. I am regaining my strength [and weight :( ] these days and am almost 100%. Things have been pretty busy around here with school and work. I took of Tuesday from the office to get some rest but with schools and the au pairs and all I really didn't get much of it. Right now I am watching my taped shows and catch up on school work.

I think the other reason I have not posted is that I finally talked to my mother last week. She hadn't spoken to me in several weeks. Supposedly I didn't sent her something (but I did) and now she says I cost her a few hundred dollar. She also says she doesn't want anything to do with me while I am this egotistical person I turned into according to her. Anyhow obviously the conversation didn't go all that well so I was surprised to find a missed call from her the next day. I called her back also to let her know that the office was going to be closed for 5 days over X-mas and to explore the idea of going down to see her in Florida. Her response to that was "why would you?". The conversation when south after that and at some point she mentioned my estranged sister was going to be there for a few months. I haven't talked to my sister in years and my mom only talks to her through email and more to her boyfriend then my sister so I was taken aback at this and made a comment along the lines - well then you don't need me to come-. Well that's when my mom told me to be ashamed of myself, how dare do I say that while my sister is terminal ill. She let me run into the open knife with that one. The thing that makes me wonder is why I don't feel bad about my sister. Now we have been estranged for 12 years now and we never got along which I partly contribute to the fact that she was to old when my mom adopted her from an orphanage (she and her brother were taken away from their parents after those were deemed unfit). So anyhow I guess not feeling sorry for my sister and the why, has been on my mind. Maybe my Mom is right and I am egotistical you decide.


Real said...

I don't think so.
If you were egotistical I would imagine that you would be very unlikely to question yourself on it.

I sometimes think that our ability to ask ourselves if we are crazy is a strong sign of sanity.

Glad you will be able to spend some more time blogging.

jin said...

I would NOT call you egotistical.
I know you told me a bit about her (your sister) she was pretty difficult to deal with (I think...right?) & you choose NOT to surround yourself with 'toxic' type people. (I mean the type that try to bring you down or drain you because they are hard to deal with.) I believe you also said your Mom can be difficult to be around.

So, basically, if you don't want to hang out with them, don't. You & Grumpy have so little time together that I'm sure he'd appreciate hanging out with you if you get a few days off.

Anyway, good to hear from you, hope you feel better soon!

Give the pups kisses from me!

Katy said...

Real - I guess thats true.

Jin - yes my sister was not a nice person. She was the personification of selfish. The incident that put me over the edge and when I told my mom I didn't want anything to do with her was about 12 years go. When she was 16 she was taken back by the state and placed in a appartment where they had a councelor but where supposed to learn how to be independent. She was dating this guy and one Friday he came over with his buddy to vegge. The guys were both drunk and tripping on speed, so they didn't want to do anything but my sister wanted to go out. She kept bugging them until they gave in (she was 16 and you can't drive until you are 18 so they had to drive). On the way to the club they crashed and my mom and I got the call at night from the hospital. We went to see her the next day. She only had cuts and bruises, her boyfriend had his leg broken in several places and a few other things and his buddy was off even worse. And the only thing my sister was worried about was the fact that her boyfriend couldn't walk for their anniversary! When she said that, I looked at my mother and told her that was it. I would have never made the guys drive and I would have died of guilt had it been me in the car when is crashed.

There are many more stories that show how "loving and caring" my sister was but that one was the final straw.

And yes my Mom and I tend to fight a lot. Parts of it is she raised me to be independant but wants me to be a little girl when she is here, other parts are about how I live my life and my priorities. But on the other hand she is my Mom and she means well and I can't and do not want to stay away from her. But now that my sister will stay with her for months while my Mom will try to rehabilitate her (the doctors messed up and now she is paralized on one side of her body) I have a feeling I wont be "needed". She always accuses me of having a helper complex but she is who I learned from. I think she also hopes to use those months to find out where things went wrong with my sister. I know that has bothered her all these years, not knowing if there was something she could have done different. We'll see.

Yeah I hope Grumpy will be off a couple of those days since we wont be taking vacation and going down to Florida so we can vegge or maybe go on some day trips to see some snow.

I am feeling much better thank you and the pups are great. I will give them both a hug and kiss from you. :)

Steven Novak said...

Naw. I wouldn't call you egotisitcal.

But then...I don't really know you. ;)


Katy said...

thanks steven

Coaster Punchman said...

Ah families....