Roommate????
Okay I need you all's help. I got a call from a friend last night and I could tell it was hard for her to ask - but she was wondering if she could stay with us for a bit until she got back on her feet.
She was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer a few years back and has been a miracle so far as the doctors gave her just a few months. She has been through many rounds of Chemo and was again in the hospital over the holidays for a "hole" in her foot. She has had more bad luck than anyone I've ever known not much after her initial diagnosis her Mom died and her Dad followed not long after. Her brothers are assholes and the friend she was staying with just kicked her out. She would also bring her dog (which I had kept for her after the initial diagnosis and treatment) Shawna a rotweiler labmix and her cat.
So my question is what would you do? I talked to Grumpy and he said fine as long as she follows the rules (no drugs, no guys unless its someone she is serious with and we know ...) The room she was talking about it off our attached garage and will be my office one day. It doesn't have heat or air but we have portable units for both. The other thing is out city has a animal rule where you can not have more than 4.
I am so conflicted about this. I like my home to myself and am always happy when I see house guests leave but on the other hand if I was in trouble I'd like to think people would help me. Besides I am sure she'd offer to pay and and help clean ... . The other problem is my mother. I told her about it and she said if we did this we shouldn't bother asking her for help. And she wouldn't come up for the holidays to watch the babies while we are in Germany. But then if AJ is still with us we wouldn't need her - and she has been holding the coming up to watch the babies over our head since the day we asked her in order to get her way.
What should I do???? I am leaning towards helping my friend but then there are so many other aspects - what if she gets worse? I can't take care of her. That room is not ideal either - not very well isolated and to me smells kind of moldy. Should we do a paper saying this is short term and she has to follow the rules???????
The other thing is Sassy. I don't know how she will do with another house mate or pets. The last person that stayed with us was the one she bit. While her cat is an indoor/outdoor and would most likely just stay in that room the garage and outside but it would be mean to Shawna not to let her goof off in the back yard.
I just don't know
11 comments:
Katy, you're very sweet and generous to consider helping your friend like this. And Grumpy too. And you have so many excellent questions, that can't be answered until you actually put your plan to the test.
Is it possible to tell her that you'll host her for x amount of time and then, after x has passed, decide whether to ask her to leave or let her stay? Would she agree to that?
(I'm heading to your AdSense to make some click throughs. By the way, I have them on my site too -- way at the bottom on the right. :))
Dan - thanks my mom calls it having a helper complex. I was thinking about your idea too. The other thing is that I will turn that room into an office when I graduate (Oct 22 !!!!) and that would be the final deadline.
You have the PERFECT deadline -- October 22. Congratulations (in advance)! :)
I like Dan's idea October 22nd.
You're a good person to help out though. Better than me anyway...but I suppose that's not saying much. ;)
Steve~
I agree with what's been already said -- I would go over the ground rules and put everything in writing and have everyone sign it. Maybe even have it notarized if you know a notary. (My sister is one, that's why that occurred to me.)
I think you are very generous and kind to consider helping a friend. And congrats on being so close to graduation! :)
Oct 22nd sounds good...but if you think you might want her to leave a bit sooner you could always use your b-day as an excuse. You could say for your b-day Grumpy is redoing the room for you.
Just a thought.
Plus, if there was ANY way possible...I'd drive over n keep an eye on your pets. I used to just LOVE Virginia when I lived there.
(Pssssst! I clicked here & at Dan's...2 of my FAVE people! ;-)
That is so kind of you, but it's still a tough decision. I think that idea about setting a deadline is very, very good. Clearly your friend has some behaviors that worry you, and you need to make sure you have that worked out before (if) she moves in.
Good luck.
The best assvice I have for your is to establish the rules and boundaries in writing before she moves in, if you decide to go with that. Also, I like the idea of a deadline. It may also help your friend to know ahead of time what is expected of her and decide on a way for her to contribute to expenses, whether it's a small simple rent fee or contributing to gas and electricity. Good luck.
THANKS YOU ALL FOR YOUR ADVISE. I WILL TAKE IT ALL TO HEART. AFTER I TALKED TO MY FRIEND A BIT MORE LAST NIGHT AND EXPLAINED MY HESITATIONS IN REGARDS TO SASSY BEING UNPREDICTABLE SHE DECIDED THAT FOR NOW WE'D BE A LAST RESORT BUT TO LOOK ELSE WHERE. I CALLED A FRIEND WHO TOLD ME ABOUT CALLING 211 - IT'S KIND OF INFORMATION ON WHAT RESOURCES ARE OPEN TO YOU (FOOD BANKS, SHELTERS, UNITED WAY AND SO FORTH. SO I GAVE HER THAT TOO.
Glad that worked out. I was on the fence. I guess I try to have friends that do not purposely make messes of their lives with drugs etc. (not that pot is that big of a deal....) - but if someone insists on being a total mess I generally back away. (And I'm not counting getting sick and/or having bad things happen as "being a mess" of course.)
CP - yeah I am the same way when it comes to going off the deep end. I am kind of glad its resolved so far we'll see
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